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It was an alarming thought.
Again I was to be reminded of the battle against my sinful nature. Though I know I’m a son, redeemed and justified by God through faith in Jesus Christ, I continue to experience the tension that arises with sojourning this side of heaven.
But to feel so starkly this sense was quite scary. I immediately recognized it for what it was when it reared its ugly head in response to the fortune of another.
The thoughts of selfishness arose within me. ‘Am I being overlooked?’ ‘What about me?’ ‘That ought to be mine.’ The very idea of presuming something ought to be mine was in itself indicative of my old nature; the very part that in days of old compelled me to robbery and unnecessary violence – the same spirit that no doubt drove Cain to slay Abel.
So you can imagine the unsettling in my soul when I recognized that the blessing of another gave rise to envy. Disconcerted, I knew straight away that God was convicting me by his Holy Spirit.
John White, in his excellent classic Daring to Draw Near says, ‘We have a choice to make when we come to God about our sin. Either we justify ourselves or we justify God. We cannot do both.’*
I was faced with a choice. Would I justify myself, denying the envy that was so clearly evident in my heart, or would I justify God, the One who was convicting me? How could it be that despite being so blessed, I would still be envious of the favour shown to another?
Though not straightforward, I knew the choice I had to make. I would justify God – to have done otherwise would’ve been foolishness.
Just as the Psalmist asked God to reveal the sin in his heart and mind (Psalm 139:23-24), we too need to pray for God’s revelation of the sin in our hearts, as we’re incapable of discovering it for ourselves. In doing so he identifies our sin in order that we may confess, repent and resist.
Question: What do you do with envy; do you justify God or yourself?
In response to God’s loving correction let’s ask for grace to humbly receive his forgiveness and mercy as he continues to sanctify us.
*Daring to Draw Near, p.69; InterVarsity Press
