Photo: Southbites

Some friends recently came to ours for a meal and spoke about a book they’d been contesting over for bedtime reading; Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. Their comments had me intrigued. ‘I must read that book,’ I told myself.

The following day I humbly approached Mick Taylor’s book collection and found it nestled under Reason for God, another Keller publication. I began reading almost immediately and quickly gained an appreciation of his prose and ability to articulate thought. Over the next few days I was drawn into a discourse that’s altered my perspective.

In Counterfeit Gods, Keller addresses the concept of idolatry in modern culture and talks of money, sex, romance, family and power as becoming the ‘ultimate thing’ in the lives of many individuals in place of God. He presents that hope misplaced in these things results in dissatisfaction, leading ultimately to ‘broken spirits.’

This book aroused questions that I’d probably rehearsed a thousand times before, but brought them to my attention more profoundly:

• What’s my motivation for doing the things I do?
• Where do I turn for solace in time of need?
• From whom do I seek affirmation when I feel discouraged?
• Where do I look for approval and appreciation?

I was compelled to respond to the Holy Spirits probing, but in truth, my answer to the above was the same as before – for as long as I struggle with my old nature, there’ll be a degree to which I look in the wrong places and to the wrong things.

Counterfeit Gods is a must read. For me, Keller’s exposé of idols raises the validity of self examination to determine whether the focus of our worship (as defined by our motivations) is displaced.

There’s no doubt we can do the stuff. We can raise families, write songs, strategise, and lead others, but if these things become more important than the One who gives us the grace to do them, if they go from being ‘good’ to ‘ultimate things,’ then are we all not merely idol worshippers?

Truth is, as a result of sin we can’t be totally rid of idols. But in keeping our focus on Christ, we’re able to see them eclipsed by the glory of the King who we desire to love more than any other.

The look of elation on her sweet face in response to my words, “Thanks for taking daddy to the doctors,” stilled my heart.

It was with sincerity that I thanked my 4-year-old daughter for chaperoning me to the doctor’s surgery for a check up yesterday afternoon.

Having been offered a 5.20pm appointment I knew instinctively that I wanted her to come with me. She jumped at my invitation and quickly got kitted out in her bicycle gear to resemble a miniature lieutenant in Generation Kill. Though quite notably, the pink helmet and piglet in the baby carrier softened the military feel a touch.

Off we went to the GP; my first venture outdoors in 3-days. When we arrived we checked in before sitting down in the waiting area, where she prized me with several hugs and kisses – it was brilliant! We eagerly awaited my call; almost excitedly. Then suddenly we heard ‘the beep’ and saw the name Nicholas Ferguson scroll across the large LCD screen, confirming the room we were to go to. We responded hurriedly, passing by other patients waiting their turn to see a doctor for various ailments.

Although it wasn’t good news, bizarrely, I was relieved to hear the doctor’s diagnosis; “You have a throat infection and bronchitis, which needs to be treated before it gets to your lungs.” He then prescribed me with some antibiotics the size of bullets and told me to rest until Tuesday.

Phew! What a relief… I wasn’t making it up… I really am poorly… it’s not man flu!

It’s so important to know who I am in God. In my post yesterday I spoke of the challenge of overcoming the voices that compel us to go beyond our limits and boundaries. Though we wouldn’t always acknowledge it, I would expand on that by saying that these compulsions are often fuelled by a veiled sense that:

• All things will go pear-shaped if we’re not there to fulfil our call (pride), and
• People will see even more vividly that we are dispensable (fear).

Though this feels like a vulnerable place to be I’m reminded again of the importance of not finding my identity in what I do, or what I have, but rather in who I am as a follower of Christ Jesus – a loved and accepted child of God.

Any misaligned allegiance will result in me being captive to the approval, acceptance and opinions of those other than the One who is of most importance.

Despite in some respects this being a horrid week, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed time to just sit and be, with no agendas and no deadlines! I’ve also been touched by the way my family (and some friends) have been a source of strength and encouragement. From dropping the boys to school, sending text messages, bringing food for my lunch, to bearing with me when I stunk, they’ve all been brilliant, and I’m grateful!

And to my little Princess P, again I say, ‘thanks for taking daddy to the doctors.’ Though unable to cook me food or give me medicine, you have, in your own sweet way, contributed to me getting through.

I’ve not left the house since Monday. For the last few days I’ve been walking around in a pair of old running trainers, pyjama bottoms and my striped dressing gown like an old codger, having returned from our youth weekend retreat feeling very poorly.

Before any of my female readers ask, no, it’s not man cold - this is the real deal! Such has been the extent of my feverish sweats that I’ve averaged about 3 tops a night. It goes without saying that my Angel has been extremely kind in allowing me to share the bed space! My guess is that in my illness all rational thought had escaped me, as yesterday, she needed to gently encourage me to take a shower. This confirmed that though she loves me, there are limits!

It’s been such a long while that I can’t recall the last time I was forced into such hermit like behaviour, so unbecoming of a ‘man.’ But what I’m learning in this is the importance of allowing time for my body to recover rather than giving way to an irksome sense of guilt that says I should ‘get up, and get on.’

This week I’ve had to delegate responsibility, cancel and postpone meetings, and not make some ‘important’ phone calls, and if I’m honest, there’s been a part of me that’s found it tough. The internal question – “Surely you can’t let people down?”

But the reality is that I can’t be all things to all people at all times. If I were, where would that leave space for me just being me, for now? Truth is I want to overcome those annoying little voices that relentlessly egg us on to go beyond our limits and boundaries in order to gain the approval of others or meet their expectations. SHUT UP!!!

Hear me right, I’m not talking about lacking in due diligence, and I am not for one moment suggesting abdication of responsibility (although these will be the questions that go around in my mind too), as neither would be right. But, what I’m learning is that when rest is necessary for recuperation and restoration, it’s okay, furthermore, it’s important, to take it!

I’ll be venturing out later to see my GP – help!